Why Do I Get Upset All the Time?
Hello, my name is Roland Trujillo. I'm the author of 18 books on coping with stress and improving relationships. I've been helping people deal with stress and learn to overcome their emotional reactions for over 25 years. I've been helping people on my radio advice program which is now entering its 26th year.What makes me different is that I do more than just talk and write. I have a special mindfulness meditation that helps people become centered and less reactive. I have made this meditation free to listen to and practice.
Listen to my one minute sound byte about my new book Mike's Story: How he overcame depression, OCD and anxiety
Are you stressed out? Have you noticed that when you are resentful, you become more sensitive to life’s little issues? When you are stressed at work, do you come home and easily lose patience with your kids? Do you get angry at slow traffic or slow grocery lines? Would terms like “exasperated, nervous, irritated, or impatient” describe you?
If so, you are probably over-reacting. And the worst reaction of all is that of resentment. It sets you up for becoming increasingly sensitive to what you might otherwise take in stride.
I know, times are tough. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said: “If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.” There are indeed outrageous things happening. There are things to be concerned about.
The problem is that most of us do not know how to pay attention without becoming upset by what we see. So we shut down.
But our most upset issues are with daily small irritations. You've probably heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff." We know this is true, but the problem is we don't know how to not sweat the small stuff. This is because we have literally conditioned ourselves to become irritated. And when the next little thing occurs, our body reacts.
A small irritant to which we have reacted can literally build to the point that we're ready to have an emotional meltdown over it. Moreover, we react and suppress our emotions all day long, so there is an accumulation of upset and tension leading us to explode in anger at a loved one or reach for the bottle.
Here is the key.
1. Learning to watch for and let go of resentment which sustains and reinforces our reaction. It was resentment that led to the very first reaction to a look alike situation long ago, and it is resentment that sustains it and reinforces it. The resentment must be let go of, whether it be resentment against the situation, the person, the first occurrence, oneself, or resentment against anything.
If you don't know how to get enough distance mentally to stand back and watch for the resentment, I can teach you how. (Read about the meditation now)
2. As I will relate later, becoming upset is a way of life for most of us. So the second thing that must be learned is to practice going through life in a more detached way, as more of an observer. In my writings I can show you how and why this dispassionate state of mind and calm state way of living is based on principles of forgiveness and patience.
In fact, the reader will see that these principles correspond to beautiful religious or philosophical principles you may have heard and appreciated but never learned to to apply.
3. Some people do discover that their upset hinges on resentment, but they are unwilling to give it up. However, many people can understand where I'm coming from, they see their resentment and impatient, and don't want to be that way, but don't know how to make the change. I can show you how.
The secret to regaining self control has to do with the timeless moment just before we react.
It is in the moment that we have the freedom to make a choice between going with the resentment and all that follows, or to remain patient. Once we go ahead and resent or choose to indulge the judgment, then there is a due process that occurs, and the bodily stress responses take place, one after another.
Here at the Center For Common Sense Counseling we help people learn to be aware without being upset. We all know that we need to calm down and be reasonable, but as soon as we react, we forget and lose control. It happens so fast. That is why our stillness meditation (which is free to listen to and download) is helpful.
In a nutshell, it shows you how to be still, and then carry a calm awareness out into your daily activities. Pre-armed with patience, you won't get caught unawares. And when the previously upsetting situation comes along, you can observe it instead of getting caught up in it.
When you are aware, you will have understanding. And when you are not upset in the first place, you won’t become upset and irritable in the second place. You will be patient with your loved ones.
2. As I will relate later, becoming upset is a way of life for most of us. So the second thing that must be learned is to practice going through life in a more detached way, as more of an observer. In my writings I can show you how and why this dispassionate state of mind and calm state way of living is based on principles of forgiveness and patience.
In fact, the reader will see that these principles correspond to beautiful religious or philosophical principles you may have heard and appreciated but never learned to to apply.
3. Some people do discover that their upset hinges on resentment, but they are unwilling to give it up. However, many people can understand where I'm coming from, they see their resentment and impatient, and don't want to be that way, but don't know how to make the change. I can show you how.
The secret to regaining self control has to do with the timeless moment just before we react.
It is in the moment that we have the freedom to make a choice between going with the resentment and all that follows, or to remain patient. Once we go ahead and resent or choose to indulge the judgment, then there is a due process that occurs, and the bodily stress responses take place, one after another.
Here at the Center For Common Sense Counseling we help people learn to be aware without being upset. We all know that we need to calm down and be reasonable, but as soon as we react, we forget and lose control. It happens so fast. That is why our stillness meditation (which is free to listen to and download) is helpful.
In a nutshell, it shows you how to be still, and then carry a calm awareness out into your daily activities. Pre-armed with patience, you won't get caught unawares. And when the previously upsetting situation comes along, you can observe it instead of getting caught up in it.
When you are aware, you will have understanding. And when you are not upset in the first place, you won’t become upset and irritable in the second place. You will be patient with your loved ones.
Learn the secret of self control without painful repression and you will have it made in the shade.
I have two versions of the meditation:
the classic version which I have been using for over 20 years,
and a new shorter version free version for stress and prayer life
Find out about our new free meditation to cope with stress
I have two versions of the meditation:
the classic version which I have been using for over 20 years,
and a new shorter version free version for stress and prayer life
Find out about our new free meditation to cope with stress
Be sure to also check out the meditation booklet also free to read online.
Remember, these resources are free. If they help you, then you can always make a donation later. But right now, don't miss out on at least looking over these self help resources.
