Preachers of L.A. - a Senior Pastor's View

I heard a trailer or promotional feature, where one of the preachers in the new series Preachers of L.A. said something interesting. (I can glean something of value from everything. There are things that can be learned from Preachers of L.A).

The preacher of L.A. said "I had no choice but to move on."   In life we do have to move forward. He moved forward. There is nothing wrong with that.

We have all made mistakes. So we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward.
 

But some of us wallow in the past and when time moves us forward we take the baggage of the past with us. So it is never a clean break with the past. We never fully recover. We never fully get over the past. 

Think about it. When post traumatic memories intrude into the present, does it not mean that you are still sort of stuck in the past too (even though you don't want to be)?

Who wants to get stuck in the past? No one. So give yourself a little checkup with this little spiritual barometer (it is not meant to diagnose anything, but is for educational purposes to open up exploration of the possible role of resentment and unforgiveness in sustaining unhappy memories).



Am I beating myself up over some mistake I made?

Do I resent something from the past?

Do I have a grudge against someone from the past?

Do I secretly blame myself for something that happened to me?

Do I resent others for not understanding me or for not caring?

Do I resent others for being better off than me?

Am I resenting others for their help that is not really helping?




 If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may benefit from this little explanation of how unforgiveness and the simple little emotion of resentment can unwittingly tie us to negativity from the past and prevent letting it all go.

Resentment is how you contribute to keeping the past alive. It was resentment in the first place that helped to implant the traumatic memories and negative suggestions.

Now it is resentment that sustains them.

I understand that things can and do happen to us that are not our fault -especially when we are kids. You cannot help where you were born, or what family you were born into or what others did to you or failed to do. Undoubtedly you resented them for their cruelty, tease or for what someone let happen to you. Especially parents, and especially your dad.

But you did resent them. And the resentment then was the mechanism that permitted the implanting of negative suggestions.

Understand this - cruel and thoughtless people sometimes have a sixth sense about how to be creatively cruel. They know that when you become emotional and especially when you become resentful, negative suggestions tend to stick.

So the cruel person may have suggested that it was your fault that the bad thing happened to you. In your emotional state (and guilty for resenting) you accepted the suggestion, and now it haunts you in the subconscious, ruining your life and surfacing in all your relationships in the present.

The greatest psychologist that ever lived said "forgive them." Do you now see the brilliance of this? 
 Translate the word "forgive" as "do not resent."

To forgive means to drop the resentment.
To forgive means don't resent.

Now let us fast forward to some of you who experienced trauma as adults or young adults. Look carefully to see if there is not some resentment now involved.

Do you resent yourself and blame yourself? Do you blame someone else? Blame usually contains an element of resentment.

Sometimes there is some truth in the realization of one's own part of what happened. If you were looking at you iPhone when the accident happened, it might not have happened if you were paying attention instead of looking to see who texted you.If you joined a sports team, gave your all, and were injured, maybe you should not have believed all the hype about how great it was going to be. If there was a divorce - undoubtedly you may have contributed to the issues.

But here is the secret to recovery - it is okay to see your error and regret it. Just don't resent it and don't resent seeing it. It is okay to discern error. Just don't resent it.

Take resentment out of everything.

Many of us have benefited from insight therapy or cognitive therapy. Many of us have benefited from the spiritual support of our faith community and the support of our friends and family. We then wonder why--with all the help we have been getting, and with our sincere desire to move forward--we remain struck and continue to be haunted by negativity from the past.  It could very well be that it is resentment that has you stuck.

Watch for the resentment, and when you see it, stand back and let it go.

There. Now that you have read this, be quiet with it and don't resent it. Check out one of my meditations which may help to help anchor you in the present (instead of drifting away with daydreams and memories of the past). It is in the present that insight and repair can occur, because it is in the present that you have the power to stand back and observe what has gone wrong without falling into it or reacting to it.  It is in the present--not lost in thoughts and the negative suggestions that lurk down there--where you will find recuperative inner resources.

While the classic 4 part meditation is more elaborate and comprehensive, and includes 2 eBooks and a booklet, you may wish to just try and start with the free 5 minute meditation.

In fact there is also a free mobile app for the 5 minute meditation.   



Roland Trujillo is the editor of A Guide to True Peace Revisited, as well as the author of 15 other books on coping with stress and improving relationships. His recent book Putting the Forever Back in Love: Advanced Strategies for Relationship Building is available in eBook and will soon be in quality paperback at Amazon.com

Roland has been volunteering his time to help people with stress for almost 25 years.