A well known but often overlooked factor—called resentment—is the subtle tipping point that separates us from our calm center of dignity and sends us over the brink into anger, fear, nervousness, and upset which contribute to a host of symptoms. I have found the antidote to resentment—awareness and forgiveness—and a meditation that helps you implement awareness and forgiveness.
Practicing our meditation with a sincere intent and a true desire to be a better person closes the door on over-reactions and upset, and opens the door to a world of good.
In this article I will focus on the moment of reaction, wherein we fail. By learning how to remain calm or impassive in that instant, we by-pass our stress reactions and bring reason and understanding to bear. This has a very positive effect on our well being and on the situation. When we remain calm and reasonable, our body is not forced to react, and thus has the time and energy to recuperate from previous over reactions.
.Moreover, our newfound calmness and reasonableness constitute a new way of dealing with life’s little ups and downs; our new way cancels out prior conditioning and establishes a new conditioning based on a rapport with our inner Ground of Good.
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Now that you know where I am going, let us look at the basics of stress
A Primer on Stress
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Basically anything we react to is a stressor and causes stress. Dr. Hans Selye, the father of stress research, said there are two types of stress: so called “eu-stress,” or pleasant stress, and “dis-stress” or unpleasant stress.
We are all familiar with unpleasant stress and the toll it can take on our body. If you eat something tainted, it stresses your body to react. Cold, wind, rain, or excessive heat stress the body and elicit a response. Spraining your ankle or falling off your bike are situations that elicit stress responses. Being mugged, robbed, or mauled by a dog are stresses.
We also know that divorce, losing a job, or being betrayed by another are unpleasant stresses.
The negative or unpleasant stresses cause a whole variety of bodily responses and changes, both specific (like a scab on a wound) and nonspecific (affecting the whole body). These changes take energy and ultimately take their toll on the body.
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Stress is cumulative, in that it gradually uses up our life force. Yes, some stresses are part of life (like a rain shower, a hot day, or a brisk windy day). They can’t really be totally avoided (except the excessive ones). They are invigorating and without them we would stagnate.
But Dr. Selye discovered that so-called eu-stresses such as going to a party, attending an exciting ball game, or starting new job are stresses too.
These stresses may be pleasant, but they also take their toll on the body just as much as obvious unpleasant stresses do.
Dr. Selye was not saying that we should avoid new or fun situations. They are part of life and are invigorating. But he is saying that we should be aware that any stress ultimately wears us down.
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Too much stress, either dis-tress (like a divorce or being fired) or eu-stress (moving to a new house) will wear you down. More stress wears you down quicker than less stress. And stress is cumulative.
Stress takes its toll. It may be invigorating, but it also drains us of life force. And our over-reactions (to whatever is, by definition, the stressor) lead to all manner of symptoms.
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The bottom line is this: we must find a way to take things in stride, both good and bad.
In other words, over-reactions are not good. Look at all the over-reactions which are purely at the physical level: asthma, allergies and auto immune disease—where the body’s extreme responses are more harmful than what the stressor is doing. In other words, pollen cannot really hurt you, but an over-reaction can. Anaphylactic shock is a big over-reaction that can even kill a person.
But how about all of our emotional over-reactions: anger, rage, irritation, hostility, hyper excitement on the one hand and hurt feelings, disappointment and frustration on the other?
These emotions are reactions that are stressing us. Many people love to over-react and yell and scream at ball games, for example. Or they love to moan and groan and play the “poor me, what have I ever done to deserve this” game. They are adding stress to their lives through these feelings.
People ague and quarrel all the time because they react angrily. Others react angrily and suppress it, but their reaction is still stressing their body.
Many people get irritated at others, and they secretly enjoy having something to complain about. They feel they have a right to judge others and complain. But their daily bouts of irritation take a toll on the body.
Some people party, study too much and stay up late, depriving themselves of sleep. They are subjecting their body to stress. No wonder they feel drained the morning after the night before. No wonder people come back from a vacation more drained than before they left.
Just as partying and then cramming for a test are unnecessary stresses which we inflict on ourselves, so are our angers, secret hostilities, and impatient frustrations.
Another example. Take work for instance. Of course we have to work. But we should be able to work without becoming angry and upset at our work.
Life will throw things our way. But we should be able to go through life without reacting to everything. What I am saying is that some stress is unavoidable. But too much stress is not good for us. And most of us heap an extra layer of stress on ourselves through our emotional reactions.
Many of us are experiencing huge amounts of stress unnecessarily because we are indulging emotions all the time, especially anger, hostility and resentment.
Work is one thing; working angrily is another. Encountering a traffic jam is one thing; becoming upset at it is another.
Here is the key to eliminating undue stress from your life. Let go of resentment. Resentment is the little reaction that begins the cascade of stress reactions, misery and suffering. You must learn to watch for it, and let it go. That is what all my writings are about.
Resentment is the elephant in the living room. If you want to control stress, you’re going to have to control resentment.
Resentment is the precursor, like an igniter, that by-passes the powers of spiritual discipline and hands down authority to biological processes and stimulates biological compensation. Once our body is called upon to respond to some stressor, it follows due diligence, as it should. But wouldn't it be better if the body were not called upon to toil in the first place?
