Fewer Couples Embrace Marriage Says USA News Today Article - Some Thoughts from a Christian Counselor and Senior Pastor

What percentage of couples live together?

Today's front page of USA Today had a lead article that fewer couples are getting married today. In fact, since 2000 there has been a 25% hike in couples opting to live together.

According to the census, nationwide the average is 12% of couples in 2010 are living together.

The percentage of couples who are unmarried rose in 2010 to 12%, up from 9% in 2000.

In Camden NJ 23 % of couples are living together and in Oakland also 23%. Couples at both ends of the economic spectrum are more likely to be living together. Some speculate that the poor economy is contributing to the rise of unmarrieds living together. Percentages vary from region to region, but over all, since 2000 just living together is up 25%.

I'm a Christian counselor and pastor with a PhD in Pastoral Psychology. I've been advising people on relationship and marriage issues now for 21 years--so this is not news to me. I'm surprised that the percentage of couples living together is not higher!

I have a new book about relationships which is in the final stages for publication. It should be on Amazon and Barnes and Noble within a month.

You will be surprised to find out that, even though I am a pastor, I am very inclusive in my book. An earlier book I wrote about marriage (which I wrote about 4 years ago) mostly uses the term "marriage" throughout. In my new book the terms "relationship, long term relationship, and partners" are added.

What do I say to couples living together? I encourage them to love each other and to watch out for resentment. I welcome them for counseling, for reading my book, or for chatting.

I do make the case for marriage, for making it formal, because I can see so many good reasons for it.

I also take the men aside and talk to them like a good senior mentor, and I tell them that a man must be 100% noble and honorable, and cannot even have the appearance of impropriety. I tell them that being 99% committed speaks volumes to his partner. She will sense at some deep unplumbed level (women sense such things) that he is not 100% committed.

Then the men say, but I am committed 100%. Then I remind them that by not being formally married, she may misinterpret your reticence as meaning that you don't love her completely and are still looking. 'Nuf said.

A word to the wise, guys. Am I saying that just getting married guarantees a better relationship? Of course not. Am I saying that two people who are living together cannot love each other totally? Not at all.

I am just saying that if you read my book about the mysteries of marriage, you just might be willing to consider perhaps one day making it formal. Not because you have to, but because you want to. In the meanwhile, I'm still here for you.

Incidentally, the census did not get data on how many of the couples who are living together plan to get married and will in fact get married someday. So we could say that the 12% figure represents the percentage of couples who are living together at the time the census was taken, but that doesn't mean they they won't tie the knot someday. So, marriage is still alive and well, thank you.

Your friend, Pastor Roland