Read the Transcript of an Interview of Dr. Trujillo on Marriage, Arguing, and Healing Relationships

There's nothing unusual about couples arguing. It's as old as the hills. I'm sure Eve resented Adam and would never let him forget how he got them kicked out of paradise and thrown out on the street.

She probably reminded him every day about his failing. And he probably did what most husbands do: he resented his wife and blamed her.
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New! Dr. Roland Trujillo says all couples argue in recent radio interview. Read the transcript...Couples are arguing from Miami to Seattle. And if you go to Taipei, Moscow, Rome, Mexico City or Sidney--you will hear the same squabbling, except in a different languages.
.Yet all newlyweds start off looking forward to a life of happiness. They are sure that they won't make the mistakes their parents made. But lo and behold, a few months or years later, history repeats itself. She feels unloved and he feels trapped. She is unhappy about something and he can't figure out what she wants. Something is going on underneath.
.On the surface, there is squabbling, nit picking, nagging, sniping, or long periods of silence. Then, you have the workaholic husband who thinks everything is fine, but all of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, she says her needs are not being met and she wants a divorce. But underneath the surface is resentment, misunderstanding, and selfishness.

We have been misled and have lost our way. If only we had understanding.
.Doesn't it seem odd that after 6,ooo years of human history, we still haven't figured out what's wrong? The best minds and experts have had thousands of years to work on the problem, tens of thousands of books have been written, and somehow it still eludes their grasp.

Let me ask you question. Ladies, if you saw deeply that your husband is just a man, and he inherits his nature from Adam; that all men have failed their wives; that what wives and kids need from dad is is a special fatherly agape emotionless love, but he probably hasn't found it yet. . . . If you saw, really saw, that he cannot give you what he, himself, has not yet found. . . would you still resent him? Or might you possibly have compassion?

And would you not in your heart of hearts hope that he might one day find it?

This "it" of which I speak is, of course, real love.

Were he to find it, his problem would be over and so would yours (if you loved the good for which he would stand and were willing to cooperate with the good that would now reside in him).

Now, most likely you're wanting something from him that he can't give get in the way of his finding himself, especially if you are still trying to change him.

But were he able to find a special agape love, your giving him a hard time would only awaken him to where he is failing and he would find it in himself to become the noble knight you need him to be.

And would you not in your heart of hearts hope that he might one day find this fatherly agape love?

It would be wonderful if he found it. But if you can learn to not resent him and if you can give up judgment and contempt for men and their weakness, love could spring within you. Not a love you give yourself, but the love of the Father you have never known, who forgives us and rewards us with His warmth from within when we forgive and are patient with others.

You do not have to wait on your husband to find himself. If he does, that would be nice. If he does not, you can find peace of mind and joy through forgiveness and finding love within.

This special love that most men lack can only come through them from God. But you will recall that Adam (with the enabling codependent love of his wife who he used to support his pride) doubted and disobeyed God, bringing separation from God, and death on the whole human race.

This fallen, earthy death oriented existence is what we are all born into (but there burns in our hearts the hope of redemption).

The man must find an inner connection with the Creator, whereby he can share in the life and light from God and then share it with his family.

But as long as he looks to his wife, boss, minister, work, or the accountability group for support, he won't find the support from God.

Remember how the women around Jesus loved Him? He was the first man who did not use them. He loved them as a person and not an object of use. He was the first man who did not fail them. (Men, can you see why you must not look to your wife for support and why you must find an inner rapport with God so that you can begin to fail less and less). When you love her as a person and when you learn to be more fatherly, you won't tempt her by your anger or wimpiness to resent you.
.There now, I have teased you with a little preview. You see, your own Bible has the story of how enmity came between the sexes, how men become ambitious, with the support of their wives, and fail or outright fail and fail. You will also see how their wives resent them (and support their man's wrong), and then serve him out of guilt. Both become more and more guilty and resentful.
.The Bible has the answer: when it comes to our spouse--forgiveness, patience, and understanding. Men must find God within and learn to be more fatherly. Women must learn to let go of judgment. We must also learn how to be industrious without being ambitious.

And there is a plan of salvation from separation from God and from the fallen existence based on emotions, compensation, pride and the enslaving love of the world.

But words alone are not enough to convey it to you. The words do not have the power to make it happen, only to awaken you to what you have still not found. You have to see the truth and understand it deeply.

You have to understand it so deeply that you see why you must not resent your husband.

And you men have to see it so deeply that you understand why you must be inwardly motivated, and not look to anyone on the outside (including your wife) to support your character. You must see so deeply why you must be principled, honorable, and never take advantage that you will never be tempted to fall for even the smallest temptation..Maturing, being less selfish, and having more compassion for each other's plight, you could become very good friends instead of bringing out and supporting the worst in each other.
.The latest thing people are trying is just living together instead of getting married. People see their parents arguing, so they reason that if they don't get married and just live together, they won't have the same problems their parents had. But of course, it doesn't work.

In fact, the studies are showing that on just about every scale: break-ups, arguing, kids having problems and so on, informal arrangements are no better.
..You see, marriage is not the problem. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is a framework within which to work out our differences and learn to be unselfish.
Instead of blaming marriage, we need to look at human nature and how we relate to each other. . . . . . . . .

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For a donation of any amount receive Roland's eBook on marriage as our gift




Here it is. The book you have been waiting for.

Pastor Roland's new book

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages.

Written by Pastor Roland and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples


Here are just some of the topics discussed


The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your
God Given Instincts
10
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Preview Chapter One
The Dating and Mating
Game Is Not a Game

Relationships make the world go around. We love
people and we hate them. We want to be around them
and then we want to get away from them. We can’t live
with them, and we can't live without them.
And nowhere is this more evident than when it
comes to dating, courtship, long term and short term
relationships, partners and spouses.
First I want to say that all relationships start off with
excitement and dreams of living happily ever after, and
yet a large percentage end up as a living hell. Many of us
saw our parents arguing and fighting and we hated it.
We were sure that our relationship would be
different. But once we got involved with someone for
awhile--sure enough, soon we were arguing—and we
are lucky if it was merely arguing. Sad to say the daily
newspapers are full of stories about arguments that turn
into violence or even murder.
Something is wrong. If love turns into hatred, then it
wasn’t real love to start with. It proves that what most
people think of as love is not really love at all.

Some relationships settle into long ones. Many appear
happy and fulfilling on the surface. But the truth is that
many are not. Something is still wrong. Each partner
suffers--he in his way, and she in her way.
I remember when I was a boy, my mother had some
good lady friends. I was surprised and shocked by what
was said about their husbands. Each wife not only
openly complained about and criticized her husband,
but also stated that she was secretly unhappy and
unfulfilled.
I was shocked because in private they seemed to have
contempt for their husbands, and what was said in
private was quite different than what was said when the
husbands were present.
I also got to listen in to what the husbands said when,
for example, the men would go fishing while the
women did something else.
When I was with men, I heard a different story. The
men were unaware of their wife’s secret unhappiness or
of their wife’s secret contempt. The husbands thought
that everything was basically okay with the marriage.
The men did admit that their wives never seemed to
be satisfied. The wives always wanted something. They
wanted him to lose weight, to stop smoking, get a
better job (like some other friend’s husband had), or go
to church more. The wife wanted him to improve or
change in some way.
The wives, according to the husbands, were
apparently never satisfied. They wanted a bigger house,
more furniture, a vacation, or something. But when she
got it, she was still not satisfied with it. Nor was she
satisfied with any self improvement he made. She
always found something to disapprove of. Yet the
husbands were not aware of their wife’s secret
unhappiness or that the wife was complaining about
him behind his back.

The husband typically said that his wife was
confusing, and he was at a loss as to what she wanted.
But like I said, for the most part, the men thought
that the relationship was basically okay. Without trying
to be rude, I must say (to use an old expression) the
men were “fat, dumb and happy.” They did not suspect
the deep unhappiness their wives were feeling.
Occasionally one of the husbands or wives would
privately remark that they were staying together “for the
sake of the kids.”
It seemed as though the wives were far unhappier
with the husbands than vice versa. Somehow they
wanted something from their husbands that they were
not getting. The wives seemed to think that what was
needed was better communication, intimacy and
sharing that would make things right.
But their unhappiness and continued complaints no
matter what their husband did proves that it was
something deeper that they needed.
They could not put into words what they needed. But
I can. And I will spell it out in this book.
Their husbands could not figure out what their
partners wanted. They tried everything--from flowers to
champagne and hot tubs for two—but nothing seemed
to satisfy the wives.
I will tell you husbands later what they want, so keep
reading.

For all his loyal listeners and followers, Roland is making his new book available in eBook to download to your computer or mobile device for $4.95

a 50% discount.

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device.